I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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