gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
