I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
