I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
