New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
