Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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