She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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