just tell him i said nine months
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think your dad took our porno
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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