dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
