There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
