oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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