I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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