So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
