You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I party with great urgency now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
