hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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