I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
