Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
