Umm I'm too high to move.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i've created a new STD.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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