Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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