never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
