So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
