i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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