He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
