I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
