can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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