Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
