Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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