It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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