Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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