So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
