How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
