She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
