would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
