It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
