apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
