Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
