I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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