Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sext me about skeletons
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize