"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
