I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
