Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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