so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
