Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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