Barsexuality is the new black.
I am midnight drunk by noon
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize