I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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