We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
