Pappa wants mamma naked
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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