do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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