; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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