That's intense
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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