I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
