Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
