You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
