I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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