I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
