You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
