Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
