If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
