oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
