she was so not down for the gang bang
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
