if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
sex in a hospital.. check
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
