If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
