Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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