My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
