Don't you send me to vm
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
