Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
