I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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