i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
