4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
