put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
