We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
