Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize