Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
