Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
