So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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