I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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