So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
