i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
