Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
