If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
