i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I smell like Dick and happiness
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
