Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
