Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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