Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
where are my eyebrows?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
