Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
