You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
