someone threw a dead crab at me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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