just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
