Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
