my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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