he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
