she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize