oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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