We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The beer is more important than you right now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
